Sunday, April 26, 2009

Full of Emptiness

I’m full. Too full that, as I sleep tonight with a bloated stomach, succumbing to nocturnal sudden death comes to mind…

Though, I wasn’t hungry (and still full at that), I still had dinner with my mom. I thought it would be nice to join her as eating by herself seems to picture a lonely scenario. She misses her grandchildren I suppose… The house is relatively quiet from my children’s ‘welcomed clamoring’. I miss them as well…

I haven’t had breakfast and lunch. It was already 5:00 pm when I had what would sustain to be an early evening meal. When I got back home at around 7, my mom called me for dinner. It would have been suited for me to decline but I wanted for her to feel accompanied somehow. Consequently, I’m overstuffed.

It’s not as heavy as the depression I’m feeling though. The thought of being with my family as I was scheduled to fetch them remained to be for contemplation. My wife, for some reason, wants to stay for another day in her “comfort zone” I assume. They’ve been at their place for almost a week now. Too many reasons have been deliberated on for them to always go there. She prefers to stay there.

It gets to a point wherein I even question my sense of responsibility. I may be providing for basic essentials but luxury?

I’m working hard to be able to provide not just what my family needs but what they would probably want. In aiming and achieving for it, I rely on my family for inspiration. Our respective roles are supposed to be assumed as expectedly called for. Thus, we need to work as a team, as a family and the only thing I’m requiring of them is moral support.

Fool for getting full, I don’t want to pass away just yet if only to see my family grow further to understand what I’m driving at. Otherwise, it will be someone else’s lonely scenario…

All of a sudden, in a time I’m full, I feel empty.

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