Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Leap of Faith

In getting caught between some decision you are to decide on wherein your heart doesn't seem to agree with your brain, human nature allow us to rely on either gut-feelings or faith. Usually without putting much thought into it or the total lack thereof, we ironically stave off the imminent regret that may come with it.

That's where faith comes in. Though it may symbolically express hopping onto the next step abruptly, what may appear from that of my action having "jumped the gun" is actually a leap of faith.

I decided to resign from the company I've been "comfortably" with for 13 years. I've had mixed emotions. Initially, I felt hate. I hated that one person whom I'd say as the reason for my resignation. He's the typical kind of a boss you'd most likely read about in Facebook or online articles as to why employees leave. And he's not even the owner for crying out loud; what's worse is that he doesn't manifest that "sense of ownership". Other than his egotistic, self-centered, immature/child-like headship approach, I would have stayed. Knowing that we know better, I could've ignored his unprofessionalism as usual and "discreetly" go on with our work just as how we deal with his ill-behavior every time as much as my loyalty is rather for the company. However, all his characteristics unbecoming of an executive somehow triggered for all unlikely circumstances to sink in and for realizations to set in. Ranging from work overload yet negligibly remunerated, lack of appreciation, lack of support however expected to be fully supportive, etc., I've realized how I've come to accept all of these and more in all of its imperfections and within an apparent "politically-incorrect" dog-eat-dog world because I was happy nonetheless... However, despite exuding professionalism still yet already feeling short-changed, it hit a nerve that he even had that "bossy audacity" to add up to it. No more! I thought why put up with his crap yet again (and again) like we're under his control without options... How long will we sacrifice our ideals and principles if only to please him? The last straw was when he'd rather stick to a promo mechanics he suggested without looking into the bigger picture... In consideration of a better marketing approach corresponding with a proper business sense essential for the company's image, it was rather tweaked then got approved without objections considering they were all furnished with a copy; yet, being full of himself "who couldn't be wrong and cannot be wronged", he blamed me for it and threatened me with ("baseless") sanctions I could actually refute (which I did and was proven otherwise)... Apparently, despite of his above-mentioned negative traits he's probably aware of (considering he once claimed and FB-posted how close to 100% hate him and that he doesn't care), he insinuated that I'm the one who's out of shape... I don't have to really narrate the whole story as it's not what its all about (as much as that could account for another story)... But instead, how this whole thing served me right.

Along with the reality that I'm old enough to be starting anew, career-wise as well as the probability of not being able to sufficiently provide for my family as inhibitions, I was initially apprehensive. That's when I sought the Lord's guidance (along the way, by some providence, I saw this verse: Proverbs 16:3 "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans"). I prayed. More than just praying, I entrusted everything to God with the belief that He won't forsake me. I even prayed for "that boss" for enlightenment (though I think I heard God whisper to me, "That'll be some miracle the devil himself will fight off" LOL!)

It was difficult at first because there were too many foreboding reasons: doubt, fear, reservation, wariness, uncertainty, pride, hatred and what have you... And what was heavily pulling the weight was my ego. A lot were telling me that if I resign, I lose; but then I thought otherwise. Getting away from him would be a sweet victory... Too proud as well, I was convincing myself that it's their loss... There were also those who prodded me to file a complaint, to further pester him before I resign, etc. I eventually thought that it's not even worth pursuing as much as it'll be a waste of time stooping to his level of immaturity but it somehow crossed my mind and it felt as if it was the right thing to do. And I felt vindicated by words of comfort and attestations by these same people who know him well but not as much as actually entertaining the thought of really pissing him off to the point of even teaching him a lesson. I was consumed by negative thoughts. From that point alone, I feel that I don't even deserve to be given attention, much more to be heard by God. Nevertheless, my faith is what I've got left.

Thus, I took that leap of faith. By doing so, I knew I have to cleanse my cruel intentions... With "little harness" to soften my fall, The Lord made me feel that He'll catch me even before I plunge into that feared slump. True enough, opportunities came knocking. Just when we've all heard about that "window opening after a door closes" for a hope-inducing analogy, I was given doors to open for myself and get to entertain those who came knocking. I was given an open window to see who (what opportunity) was it... And me as "host to entertain them as guests" supposedly, yet surprisingly, they were the ones presenting a "bigger package"... My then 30-day endorsement period hasn't ended yet and we've already made to realize how its more-generous of our new employer to be compensating us with bigger pay yet lesser stress/pressure/working days... God is good! While your typical response to that could be "All the time!", do you really believe so? Then why are there so many who are afraid to take that leap? It's because of the same dismissive attitude I felt as abovementioned. We refuse to see how we are just going for what's expedient however renouncing our moral values. We have to clear our hearts and minds from pessimism which contradicts faith.

By taking that leap of faith, it's not about self-assurance out of what's convenient, practical or secured. It's not about having a ready answer. It's not even about calculated risk... It's about believing that everything will be alright despite of the uncertainty the future might bring...

I was made to realize how God sometimes put us in the dark to show that He is the Light. All of a sudden, I saw things differently sans the pride how I would have assumed that I know that already. It was a blessing in disguise. I saw "that boss" as an obstacle the Lord has prepared for me to overcome. From twist of fate to leap of faith... Similarly, it made me realize and consider the better opportunities, a more fitting lifestyle and a coherent manifestation of disposition I've been missing out on. I leapt for the realization that it was an initiation for a "jump-for-joy" eventually... Come to think of it, mine was just a simple problem which The Lord answered with overwhelming replacement for a blessing. How much more rewarding would it be if (say) you'd likewise greatly rely on your faith despite facing what seems to be an insurmountable barrier... Comparably, when I decided to take that leap, it was just like jumping off from a 2-storey high structure which could have resulted in a broken ankle (but that's just about it) compared to plummeting off a cliff with immeasurable depth or into an abyss... Thus, to believe there'll be some cushion to rather "make your fall into a landing" is appropriately establishing faith as that of "to believe is to see" instead of "to see is to believe"... You just have to trust God.
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