Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Leap of Faith

In getting caught between some decision you are to decide on wherein your heart doesn't seem to agree with your brain, human nature allow us to rely on either gut-feelings or faith. Usually without putting much thought into it or the total lack thereof, we ironically stave off the imminent regret that may come with it.

That's where faith comes in. Though it may symbolically express hopping onto the next step abruptly, what may appear from that of my action having "jumped the gun" is actually a leap of faith.

I decided to resign from the company I've been "comfortably" with for 13 years. I've had mixed emotions. Initially, I felt hate. I hated that one person whom I'd say as the reason for my resignation. He's the typical kind of a boss you'd most likely read about in Facebook or online articles as to why employees leave. And he's not even the owner for crying out loud; what's worse is that he doesn't manifest that "sense of ownership". Other than his egotistic, self-centered, immature/child-like headship approach, I would have stayed. Knowing that we know better, I could've ignored his unprofessionalism as usual and "discreetly" go on with our work just as how we deal with his ill-behavior every time as much as my loyalty is rather for the company. However, all his characteristics unbecoming of an executive somehow triggered for all unlikely circumstances to sink in and for realizations to set in. Ranging from work overload yet negligibly remunerated, lack of appreciation, lack of support however expected to be fully supportive, etc., I've realized how I've come to accept all of these and more in all of its imperfections and within an apparent "politically-incorrect" dog-eat-dog world because I was happy nonetheless... However, despite exuding professionalism still yet already feeling short-changed, it hit a nerve that he even had that "bossy audacity" to add up to it. No more! I thought why put up with his crap yet again (and again) like we're under his control without options... How long will we sacrifice our ideals and principles if only to please him? The last straw was when he'd rather stick to a promo mechanics he suggested without looking into the bigger picture... In consideration of a better marketing approach corresponding with a proper business sense essential for the company's image, it was rather tweaked then got approved without objections considering they were all furnished with a copy; yet, being full of himself "who couldn't be wrong and cannot be wronged", he blamed me for it and threatened me with ("baseless") sanctions I could actually refute (which I did and was proven otherwise)... Apparently, despite of his above-mentioned negative traits he's probably aware of (considering he once claimed and FB-posted how close to 100% hate him and that he doesn't care), he insinuated that I'm the one who's out of shape... I don't have to really narrate the whole story as it's not what its all about (as much as that could account for another story)... But instead, how this whole thing served me right.

Along with the reality that I'm old enough to be starting anew, career-wise as well as the probability of not being able to sufficiently provide for my family as inhibitions, I was initially apprehensive. That's when I sought the Lord's guidance (along the way, by some providence, I saw this verse: Proverbs 16:3 "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans"). I prayed. More than just praying, I entrusted everything to God with the belief that He won't forsake me. I even prayed for "that boss" for enlightenment (though I think I heard God whisper to me, "That'll be some miracle the devil himself will fight off" LOL!)

It was difficult at first because there were too many foreboding reasons: doubt, fear, reservation, wariness, uncertainty, pride, hatred and what have you... And what was heavily pulling the weight was my ego. A lot were telling me that if I resign, I lose; but then I thought otherwise. Getting away from him would be a sweet victory... Too proud as well, I was convincing myself that it's their loss... There were also those who prodded me to file a complaint, to further pester him before I resign, etc. I eventually thought that it's not even worth pursuing as much as it'll be a waste of time stooping to his level of immaturity but it somehow crossed my mind and it felt as if it was the right thing to do. And I felt vindicated by words of comfort and attestations by these same people who know him well but not as much as actually entertaining the thought of really pissing him off to the point of even teaching him a lesson. I was consumed by negative thoughts. From that point alone, I feel that I don't even deserve to be given attention, much more to be heard by God. Nevertheless, my faith is what I've got left.

Thus, I took that leap of faith. By doing so, I knew I have to cleanse my cruel intentions... With "little harness" to soften my fall, The Lord made me feel that He'll catch me even before I plunge into that feared slump. True enough, opportunities came knocking. Just when we've all heard about that "window opening after a door closes" for a hope-inducing analogy, I was given doors to open for myself and get to entertain those who came knocking. I was given an open window to see who (what opportunity) was it... And me as "host to entertain them as guests" supposedly, yet surprisingly, they were the ones presenting a "bigger package"... My then 30-day endorsement period hasn't ended yet and we've already made to realize how its more-generous of our new employer to be compensating us with bigger pay yet lesser stress/pressure/working days... God is good! While your typical response to that could be "All the time!", do you really believe so? Then why are there so many who are afraid to take that leap? It's because of the same dismissive attitude I felt as abovementioned. We refuse to see how we are just going for what's expedient however renouncing our moral values. We have to clear our hearts and minds from pessimism which contradicts faith.

By taking that leap of faith, it's not about self-assurance out of what's convenient, practical or secured. It's not about having a ready answer. It's not even about calculated risk... It's about believing that everything will be alright despite of the uncertainty the future might bring...

I was made to realize how God sometimes put us in the dark to show that He is the Light. All of a sudden, I saw things differently sans the pride how I would have assumed that I know that already. It was a blessing in disguise. I saw "that boss" as an obstacle the Lord has prepared for me to overcome. From twist of fate to leap of faith... Similarly, it made me realize and consider the better opportunities, a more fitting lifestyle and a coherent manifestation of disposition I've been missing out on. I leapt for the realization that it was an initiation for a "jump-for-joy" eventually... Come to think of it, mine was just a simple problem which The Lord answered with overwhelming replacement for a blessing. How much more rewarding would it be if (say) you'd likewise greatly rely on your faith despite facing what seems to be an insurmountable barrier... Comparably, when I decided to take that leap, it was just like jumping off from a 2-storey high structure which could have resulted in a broken ankle (but that's just about it) compared to plummeting off a cliff with immeasurable depth or into an abyss... Thus, to believe there'll be some cushion to rather "make your fall into a landing" is appropriately establishing faith as that of "to believe is to see" instead of "to see is to believe"... You just have to trust God.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Allowance, Allow Twice At Low Price...

FB reminded me of my wife's birthday 2 days ago... Not that I have to be reminded of such special day... As a matter of fact, I already greeted her the night prior as soon as the clock struck out of Sept 1's last second while presenting my gift to her in all its "unwrapped" glory...

I was reminded again yesterday as if urging me on to FB-post a birthday greeting however late. But then, the thing is that, I don't really FB-post a birthday greeting for someone I can actually greet personally... As to anything event-related, I usually post an acknowledgment instead or a testimonial, a recollection and the like; not for her directly but for others to serve as witnesses to what I'd rather express seemingly shouting it to the world...

My wife then asked me how come I haven't greeted her on Facebook via any kind of posting... I was like "Huh?! Like I already greeted you last night..." Yes, that was totally "unsweet(ened)" or insensitive (not to mention inconsistent) of me if you must rub it in like that.

Apparently, she totally brushed off any possible special treatments. Little did she know, our kids were planning to treat the family for lunch with their week-earned allowance for her birthday come Sunday (which is today)... Naturally, I had to somehow confirm and conform if only to make sure it'll be as exact as to how far and where their amount of money can go considering that they rather spend for the whole thing without me shouldering the excess... No matter how simple, they rather forego of lavishness as long as the sincerity behind it is as hard-earned as their allowance. And of course, they wanted to take her to somewhere she'd most likely appreciate (the food). So, pizza and pasta they thought... Sbarro it is!

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

"Not a Lot of Bull"

Because 72-10 vs 73-9 is like being able to make a basket while getting hacked vs making a (football) goal without a goalie respectively... Hence, even if the GSW emerged as champions, it'll not be as dominating and as "convincingly-earned" as that of the 72-10 Bulls...

That said, the Bulls-then from a very defense-oriented NBA period could have recorded a better win-loss slate in today's NBA generation. Whereas the current Warriors couldn't have done any better during the "bad boys" era or the "Hack-a-Shaq" time as attested by how the LeBron James-led Cavaliers dominated them and took control by apparently applying a '90's-kind of sticky defense...

The Warriors know how to play in today's brand of basketball for a fact (and shooting at will in fact) since Steve Kerr (coach), being part of that 72-10 Bulls team as a shooter himself, knows the difference and how to take advantage of the current NBA's loose-kind of defense having gained the experience from the best; as much as he was "entrusted" to gain such an experience on being open for a shot because the main man (His Airness) then was expected to be "hacked"...

However, LeBron and company just knew how to reverse their fate by reversing as well GSW's approach and shutting down the Warriors' open play for a comfort zone, thus everything was "reversed"... The underdogs then are now the top dogs!

Nonetheless, the 72-10 Bulls could've set a better record in today's style of basketball with a few loses probably dealt by the LBJ-led Cavs, Spurs and probably even Steve Kerr's 73-9 Warriors among others... And so, one thing remains, more than the win-loss record, the 72-10 Bulls is still the team to beat!

Don't worry Steve Kerr, you're still part of that...

Friday, June 19, 2015

Dadbod, not BAD

We took our kids to see Jurassic World the movie considering as well how our 7-year old son is so into dinosaurs. When we got home, we were yet talking about those prehistoric creatures. At the dinner table while conversing about the movie and some of its highlights, the scene where the lead actor's role "Owen" was guiding the raptors in hunting down the "monster dinosaur" came up. It had my son agree with the leading lady's nephews' assessment of Owen as their aunt's "bad ass boyfriend"... Nevertheless, "bad ass" means cool.
From then on, I asked my son in jest, "So do you think I'm a bad-ass dad?" To which he flamboyantly replied: "Noooo!"

"What? Why not? Am I not cool enough?"

By then he thoughtfully answered back: "You are... but you're not bad. You're nice..."

"Nice?!" (pause) So I'm a 'Nice-ass' dad?" as I thought would be my composed-still come-back

"Yeah!" He said quite emphatically

Oh well... I don't know, but by being regarded as such, "nice" doesn't seem nice. Sounded like a loser actually... Then it dawned on me... Am I really like those kind of fathers not cool enough to/for their children?

My kids apparently get surprised when I tell them stories related to some "cool stuff" I used to do or have engaged in. For instance, I told them I was into martial arts back (who-knows) when, it was reluctantly believed with that "doubtful awe": "Ahh whoa! Really?"

Yes really. That's the truth however doubtful... Is it my "dadbod"? Looks like it is... Hmmm... I myself would probably doubt as well. I suppose it's human nature to most likely correlate looks with that of a fitting aura... Or perhaps, current events are similarly up to date and with more impact as to what people remember and take note of vs that of something from the past. My current "dadbod" figure isn't helping in convincing my kids that I used to be "bad ass" (modesty aside - come on, don't tell me you did not brag anything about yourself to your kids? Not at all?) Well, anyway:

  • I was a pretty-accurate 3-pointer, shooting at will... (That their Lolo, my father, had a basketball ring built in our backyard when I was about-to turn 13)
  • I used to do breakdancing (Well come on, I was a teenager back in the 80s)
  • that through some strength-vs-strength program a soldier taught me, I can do 200 push-ups in one set (Karate Kid-like story line right there)
  • I dated Marian Rivera (For real?! Nah... This isn't true)
  • I was a 3-Time Motocross Champion (Ok now I'm dreaming...)
  • etc. etc... 
"Really?!" I don't have proof... Needless to say, those moments during our time, there were no smart phones, no selfies and no social media networks to record and "show it off"... and my "dadbod" is far from validating or FITtingly emBODYing any of those claims... More so, I can't even do all of those now if only to show them and validate it... If I were a history book, I'd be judged by my cover; who'd believe my story?

But of course that's another thing I want to teach my kids, to not be judgmental.
Thus, regardless of what something or someone might look like, what's within (or perhaps what its purpose or role is) is what really matters... Quite timely, after some "buddy time" with family over lunch out on our way to our next destination, a young driver (seemingly "cool" in his sporty Chevrolet Cruze) had the guts to cut our way in as if muscling his way in showing that I shouldn't go ahead of him apparently assessing ours being " some sort of a subcompact family SUV"... Though challenging my ego, I thought I'd let it pass... He however had to insolently glance at me with this "know your place old man!" look... My ego seemed to have set its receptor to the pedal and went like VROOOOM!!

It was a one-lane road seemingly a long one waiting for an opening as cue for some "Gran'pa err Gran Turismo" action. As it reached that point, sensing I'd overtake, he sped up really fast with the obvious intention and confidence of leaving me far behind by zigzagging his way through traffic... So he wished... By then, I floored it and defensively cruised my 28 years of driving experience... The adrenaline rush flashed back memories of my "drag racing" days, so did how I managed to look back through my rear view mirror as I lost "Chevy Cruze" (by then, getting smaller and smaller) in my dust... Silently (on my mind), I was like, "Yeah! This old man just whipped your bad ass boy!"

All along during the "Cruise over Cruze", my wife and kids were "quietly taken aback". As I said sorry for putting them at risk, in unison, I heard them "Whoa, that was awesome! That was cool daddy!"

Who's the bad-ass now?!

Not me.

Just when I'm "cool dad" now, (quite off for the coming Fathers' Day) my wife posted this:

It elicited laughter and grossed out my kids (can't blame them... more like throw-up than throwback). However, it's with the idea I've injected that it's important to be confidently comfortable with who you are regardless of the different roles you'd likely assume without being intentionally offensive towards others... I don't even have to justify it as just some fun-driven family affair... (Oops I just did)

I'm old compared to what's rather considered cool among today's generation's standards. Amidst today's technological breakthrough, I'm like that old "conventional" T-Rex (gladly not extinct though) without "longer arms" to extend as a "better useful hand" compared to those "enhanced bad-ass monsters"... But after all that has been said and perhaps doubted, my kids can count on me sans the "reachable arms (make that 'rich able' arms)" even if I have to bite off someone's ego including my own if only to protect them from any kind of harm physical, emotional or otherwise... Never mind if I look like "old-school", I'd be cooler being my kids' "bud" instead of "BAD" (Bad Ass Dad)...

I'm my kids' "dadbud in dadbod" hmm... not BAD...