Friday, July 14, 2017

"I Am Your Father"

Among Star Wars fans, you'd know that famous line as from that of Darth Vader...

It's similarly the same among fathers who have to fight for their rights over their children; not as "Darth Vader" though, but against "Dark Invader". Yet how "dark" could that "invader" be for a father to sacrifice almost everything including giving up the chance to be there for his kids?

In a way, it's "Star Wars" when opposing sides respectively claim they're the "star" (of their side of the story) in their custody battle; usually at the expense of who they depict as the "antagonist" as if to justify their act as the right one and 'them' to be the chosen one; perhaps like Anakin who has gone to the dark side... "Anakin'ng pating!!"

Have they even asked or considered as to whose expense is it actually; the feelings of the children corresponding with the emotional and mental implications as an after-effect? In this "space" battle (jockeying for position as to who gets a bigger space in their children's lives), sadly, what's fought-for becomes their egos' collateral damage. All of a sudden, the children's welfare as their initial concern for a main storyline is just a subplot for their preferred finale. Just when you didn't see such plot-with-a-twist coming, you completely get blindsided by what's rather more twisted, their characters. From the outer surface, they were like Stormtroopers under the pretense of purity looking all so white but they're in fact the enemy. And having a hand on it, their fitting role in this "Star Wars" might as well be "Hands' So Low"

"I Am Farther"

True enough, so low, it was a low blow... "Chewbacca ng ina talaga!!" A true story Queen Ane-nadala has been through as a kid; "growing up farther from father". This is however intended as a Fathers' Day kind of a tribute for "Hind Solo" - outwardly (be)hind and solo - Ane-nadala's father.

"Return of Dad Jedi"

On not gaining the upper hand and a superior advantage, it's not like he ended up in a posterior position because he lost. Truth be told, he unselfishly gave way. As if losing his "Princess Leia" wasn't painful enough considering her "Rebellious Alliance" to be the culprit, "the force" may not have been with him as even their 2 children was taken away. It wasn't his fault from the outset yet when the sun has set, he was even the one to endure the dimness and uncertainty of what lies ahead. Not that he's got "laserbrain" nor "not being the brightest lightsaber in the galaxy" but to spare the kids from further pain, he projected to be the "Flyboy (like Han Solo was)" he was eventually deemed to be by his kids and acted "cool as a dead star" like a father from some "Jedi Order" against "Sith" err amidst "seeth (-a seething eventuality)".

"In a galaxy far, far away"

From a distance, he loved his children even up to the point he was deemed a "rouge one". But then again, "going rouge" was a painful choice with more devastating consequences until purpose manifested for his understanding as paved by some "Yoda" in his life.

"May the Force Be with You"

Baring it all to "Yoda", I guess, eased the burden he kept to himself if only to get most of the brunt just to avoid further animosity among every one but himself... Much like giving away your children to someone else rather than breaking them apart and their would-be disposition resulting to losing themselves as much as losing them anyway... His kids' happiness and wellbeing was imperative. Then, he could have moved on. He however thought the other roles he could portray instead. Skywalker perhaps...

"Look! Sky walker"

With a ray of hope, he somehow felt like walking on blue sky having found another reason to live. But unlike the real Skywalker character, he knew his parents well and decided to take care of them instead. He thought, "failing" as a father, he'd not allow his own father (and mother) to lose a child to depression and insanity. More than willing to sacrifice his own happiness just so to put his new found purpose into good use, he did it in such a way that he never maligned anyone to the point of withholding potentially hurtful facts that could have turned things around.

"The Real Leia Session"

Make that realization... The truth has its way (through some celestial interference) of manifesting its reliability though. "The force awakens." Hence, it found its way into Ane-nadala's awareness and awakening. The fact "the truth hurts" can likewise be felt by the not guilty ones however denied of the truth or most likely those who were lied to. As hurtful as it was for Ane-nadala and how torn she was, she was actually hurting for her dad. She felt sorry for him. She feels to have wasted quality time she could have spent with her father as well as to know him well enough to understand. More than the unpleasant memory of that one fateful (or was it "unfaithful") night at Session Road, now she knows...

"Let ego or let go and Ewok away?"

Ane-nadala's father, before that "Hind Solo" alter-ego, was a school basketball star in his own right and among a few adoring students and to 1 particular cheerleader. He likewise belonged to a known fraternity - a frat boy. As a seeming jock he was back then, you could imagine the supposedly "towering self-worth" he could have lived by. Looks like "altered ego" then. He was more of a gentleman I suppose. To some, a "loser" maybe... Thus, when the cheerleader who became his "Princess Leia" and mother of their 2 daughters came to her own realization that she loves someone else, it was understandable for him to have resorted to booze but the "rebel alliance" saw it as "boos"... And as if the added insult to his injury wasn't tolerable enough, he braved to "add-in salt to his wound as means to honor the sanctity of their marriage still. Thus, instead of striking back, he rather tried striking a deal with his "replacement". (Clone wars? What the Kriff!!) It was a tough and a pipe dream kind of a last-ditch plea apparently falling on "Jabba the Hutt's ears". From that point, all hell could've broken loose. But no... 'ewok(ed) away...

"Laser shots fired!"

What could be more heartbreaking, not to mention ego-crushing than being cheated on; yet seemingly justified even by putting the blame on you for your assumed failure? Fabricated stories against him were maliciously brought up not only to smear his reputation but to self-serve as a mitigating circumstance for such debauchery to somehow be more admissible. It was not acceptable. It didn't justify the means. It'll never be...

"Aim, Fire, Strike Back"

Years have passed... occasional hi/hellos in between, as well as dramatic twists and turns. And just when she did "not give two bantha ticks about it", Ane-nadala lived up to that "nadala" name as she got carried away by her seething emotions. ("Revenge of the Seeth" right there)... She had her share of incriminating bitch-fits clouded by her teen angst back then. She blamed every one, firing defiant recriminations both ways. She dwelled on the thought of being the "falling star" outwardly caused by the "Imperial Star Destroyer" in their blame game, however, it wasn't a game for her. It was her "Gray Jedi or so character's" non-empirical outburst against them for ruining her life. Claiming they were apparently "spaced" being nowhere all her life, causing further alienation. The more it hurt "Hind Solo"; thinking one of her daughters has joined the rebellion... the more he sacrificed... He almost died.

"Death Star"

Though vaguely at peace in his own "spacecraft" ~ a fitting representation being in his own space and crafting new life, yet there was still that "dark side"... In a different world not among his kind, he learned to fit in. In the land of the rising sun, he tried to rise from it all. Having accustomed himself to the culture and the language, however, he was yet to fully grasp the language of paternal commitment when a detrimental dispatch was impulsively conveyed. It was from his rebel-with-a-misguided-cause for a daughter. At a lost thus drove himself for some sense of direction; and just as he was picking up the pieces slowly, it broke him at high speed. He may have set his eyes on the right path but a seeming "black hole" had him swerving... The hurtful content of that message from Ane-nadala disoriented his notion of that aspired-for destination and completely lost control. He crashed!

"A New Hope"

A wreckage by the tunnel, a sequel to his life looked gloomy. His subconscious mind could likely be fighting to enable himself for a chance to clear the issue with his daughter. Should he perish, he hoped for his passing to serve as a redeeming closure... On a hospital bed, he woke up after 2 days. Almost losing a limb was an apparent plight for him to realize that it was not for walking away but to step into a new beginning. To step forward and step up... and for catching up.

"Oh, Be One... Can You Be?"

A self-imposed "First Order" was to be one, one who's able, one who can... not as some "Obi-Wan Kenobi" kind of hero stuff though who'd avenge his loved one being taken away by that same "Darth Maul he cut in two" (yup, sadly, "in two" (into) a couple)... but to answer a fatherhood call... and first step was to recuperate back to his homeland. Apparently a tall order considering "was it really home?" or rather home to inescapable memories that will likewise haunt back like a "phantom menace". The force may have been with him all along; possibly imminent "forces of destiny" his persona is designated to be... Treason perceived as reason... As he was coming to terms with such fate, looking back, he knew he can't turn back time but make up for it every possible moment. Like a "rising force" as a Jedi apprentice with the "agricultural corps", he's likewise planting seeds of trees that'll branch out and bear good fruits...

"I Am Your Grandfather"

Just when he was contemplating on catching up as a father, a new role has emerged. "Outwardly lost in space" as what role to gladly assume in this "Battle of And/Or" - His portrayal as a father yet towards the end part AND/OR for this new starring (err starting?) role - "Grand Solo" or "Hind Lolo"? Grand Vader!

"The And"

Indeed and in deed, it's not the end... It's not the end being a 'vader'; even if it started as "darth" until a lightsaber glows and reveals even just a silhouette of how "grand" that could be... Either way, it'll be a manifestation of things happening for a reason corresponding with circumstances from prequel to sequel and... Yes, "and", and so on... just how you feel like you were left hanging or how you just know there's an Episode 2, a sequel, a spin off, even a back story, or perhaps for this one, an "Ane-thology" (a story of his "rebellious" daughter Ane (nadala) probably?)... And

"And Droid"

Imagine a mid-end credits' scene featuring a droid... as "Ane-droid?"

"R2 D2"

That stands for my "Riveting Rationality (in) Depicting Dad-Vader" (R2 D2). How about a depiction of that rebellious "Dad-Vader's daughter, my wife Ane-nadala, in that "Ane-thology" perhaps? "Arte Dito?" Can be... Or a "Rebel Trooper"? "Queen Am I dull huh?!" And neither is she a doll huh... As much as she's brutally blunt, I could be vividly honest but I love her nonetheless... because in truly honoring my Vader-in-law, that's the best thing I can do. Happy Vader's Day every day and Happy Birthday Dad!!

Friday, May 5, 2017

Silent No More ("Question-Able" Shoutout)

And so "Action speaks louder than words"... yet in this video, does it really convey a louder message? Don't bother turning up the volume; I was just lip-syncing some gibberish talk. 

Can you read my mind then? Can you even read my lips as to what I'm trying to say? Does it mean anything? Or can we even brush off any possible meaning and just see it as it is? The essence of nonsense perhaps... Does it have to have a meaning in the first place along the belief that everything happens for a reason? Do we even have to bother or be bothered by what it might be trying to imply? Or do I just look foolish or funny and as Asian as I could be - possibly a subject of ridicule or racism from "uncontainable" bashers? 

Have you thought about something that of which exists without a meaning? How about the likelihood of things happening under some "just because" pretense? Why are there even considered "random" things and that "serendipity" innuendo when we tend to put an interpretation in everything? Take love for instance, chances are we've been asked "Why do you love me?" by a loved one. Therein, we try to express (as well as "impress") with "awe-inspiring/hair-raising/heart-stopping" romantic clich├ęs... Can't we love "just because" we naturally feel it? Should there be that "awww-eliciting feel-good answer" as the "acceptable and society-approved" affirmation? On the other hand (err more like mouth), should we be so critical in imparting uncalled for statements and opinions? Condescendingly driven or just a bandwagoner? Indiscriminately instigating or mindlessly going with the flow? 

Have we become so insensitive or overly sensitive, egoistic and egotistic, narcissistic and judgmental that we refuse to comprehend things and issues we don't conform to and confirm with? Have we forgotten the significance of appreciating things and circumstances we think we have advantage over as well as that of what we should be grateful for? Have we not realized the reasons behind our being or distinct situation compared to that of others if only to understand and instead acknowledge the difference? Do we take offense in every possible thing as if we don't know any better as much as do we have to be defensive about harsh realities? Aren't we all guilty of something in tolerating this sequence of inherent setbacks to ensue? Yet do we rather attain some "vengeful equity" out of a misconstrued reason than gain a valuable lesson over a touching rationale? 

I hope all these questions serve to put considerable emphases on whatever realization as answers you come up with. That said (or in this case (video), inaudibly "under mimed" or sarcastically mimicked even), I leave it up to you to "put words in my mouth" as to your partiality to it. Probably, the meaning which we have to understand depends on why there are different outlooks as much as we have been given free-will. 

Nowadays however, such freedom of choice isn't based much on experiential conviction but an inclination that limits us to rather have other people influence our beliefs and rationality... The norm on ideology now seems to be dictated by what's popular and virtual. Quite a lot are swayed by famous quotes, sayings and statements just because it sounds intelligent notwithstanding its firsthand irrelevance. There's also that sense of entitlement from both sides for that manifestation of a one-sided privilege to the point of being adamant and unforgiving in accordance with the conforming majority; a sad reality when we go for "rights" instead of being right. I guess our better judgment left. Do we even have it in the first place? Or placed last? 

Yes, the irony... "silent water runs deep", whereas, "an empty can makes the most noise"... perhaps, much like a "message in a bottle floating in the ocean" - that message inside couldn't be all that compared to what we are yet to discover in a vast expanse of knowledge. For a start, we could try even just for a walk along the shore of a sea of information. It all starts with a "question(-able-shoutout)" - Can you? 

Up to you...

Monday, April 24, 2017


Congrats to my "forever baby" girl! Your rank may have tailed off but your general weighted average went up, thus, it's all good... What I'm most proud of actually is that you've accomplished all of these without even trying yet you manage to consistently secure a spot... somehow, you're number 1 on that category...

You know my stand on that, right? As long as you pass and understand the real essence of it all while enjoying the learning process sans animosity as you're only "competing" with yourself (if only to be a better person than who you were yesterday) as much as you should prove your true value for all the worthwhile reasons then it's downright alright. And that's under the pretense that "right" isn't always practical from a generally opinionated society's multifaceted standard...

It's a good preparation for the real (or corporate) world ahead of you. You see, rankings and hierarchy are overrated as much as political even, unless you're indeed deserving... More so, assume the responsibility and commitment behind your designation, not the prestige and condescending authority that comes with it. You have a purpose among others who similarly have their respective portrayal however opposite or apposite to that of yours... it may be "small" or it may seem inadequate but make it count.

Whereas on your current scholastic journey, I want you to see it as more than an education from an academe's perspective but an enlightenment on life in general acknowledging every one and every thing playing their integral role/part along the way as above-cited. Try to gain that lasting wisdom for the good of humanity more than the needed intellectual capacity just for societal conformity.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Leap of Faith

In getting caught between some decision you are to decide on wherein your heart doesn't seem to agree with your brain, human nature allow us to rely on either gut-feelings or faith. Usually without putting much thought into it or the total lack thereof, we ironically stave off the imminent regret that may come with it.

That's where faith comes in. Though it may symbolically express hopping onto the next step abruptly, what may appear from that of my action having "jumped the gun" is actually a leap of faith.

I decided to resign from the company I've been "comfortably" with for 13 years. I've had mixed emotions. Initially, I felt hate. I hated that one person whom I'd say as the reason for my resignation. He's the typical kind of a boss you'd most likely read about in Facebook or online articles as to why employees leave. And he's not even the owner for crying out loud; what's worse is that he doesn't manifest that "sense of ownership". Other than his egotistic, self-centered, immature/child-like headship approach, I would have stayed. Knowing that we know better, I could've ignored his unprofessionalism as usual and "discreetly" go on with our work just as how we deal with his ill-behavior every time as much as my loyalty is rather for the company. However, all his characteristics unbecoming of an executive somehow triggered for all unlikely circumstances to sink in and for realizations to set in. Ranging from work overload yet negligibly remunerated, lack of appreciation, lack of support however expected to be fully supportive, etc., I've realized how I've come to accept all of these and more in all of its imperfections and within an apparent "politically-incorrect" dog-eat-dog world because I was happy nonetheless... However, despite exuding professionalism still yet already feeling short-changed, it hit a nerve that he even had that "bossy audacity" to add up to it. No more! I thought why put up with his crap yet again (and again) like we're under his control without options... How long will we sacrifice our ideals and principles if only to please him? The last straw was when he'd rather stick to a promo mechanics he suggested without looking into the bigger picture... In consideration of a better marketing approach corresponding with a proper business sense essential for the company's image, it was rather tweaked then got approved without objections considering they were all furnished with a copy; yet, being full of himself "who couldn't be wrong and cannot be wronged", he blamed me for it and threatened me with ("baseless") sanctions I could actually refute (which I did and was proven otherwise)... Apparently, despite of his above-mentioned negative traits he's probably aware of (considering he once claimed and FB-posted how close to 100% hate him and that he doesn't care), he insinuated that I'm the one who's out of shape... I don't have to really narrate the whole story as it's not what its all about (as much as that could account for another story)... But instead, how this whole thing served me right.

Along with the reality that I'm old enough to be starting anew, career-wise as well as the probability of not being able to sufficiently provide for my family as inhibitions, I was initially apprehensive. That's when I sought the Lord's guidance (along the way, by some providence, I saw this verse: Proverbs 16:3 "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans"). I prayed. More than just praying, I entrusted everything to God with the belief that He won't forsake me. I even prayed for "that boss" for enlightenment (though I think I heard God whisper to me, "That'll be some miracle the devil himself will fight off" LOL!)

It was difficult at first because there were too many foreboding reasons: doubt, fear, reservation, wariness, uncertainty, pride, hatred and what have you... And what was heavily pulling the weight was my ego. A lot were telling me that if I resign, I lose; but then I thought otherwise. Getting away from him would be a sweet victory... Too proud as well, I was convincing myself that it's their loss... There were also those who prodded me to file a complaint, to further pester him before I resign, etc. I eventually thought that it's not even worth pursuing as much as it'll be a waste of time stooping to his level of immaturity but it somehow crossed my mind and it felt as if it was the right thing to do. And I felt vindicated by words of comfort and attestations by these same people who know him well but not as much as actually entertaining the thought of really pissing him off to the point of even teaching him a lesson. I was consumed by negative thoughts. From that point alone, I feel that I don't even deserve to be given attention, much more to be heard by God. Nevertheless, my faith is what I've got left.

Thus, I took that leap of faith. By doing so, I knew I have to cleanse my cruel intentions... With "little harness" to soften my fall, The Lord made me feel that He'll catch me even before I plunge into that feared slump. True enough, opportunities came knocking. Just when we've all heard about that "window opening after a door closes" for a hope-inducing analogy, I was given doors to open for myself and get to entertain those who came knocking. I was given an open window to see who (what opportunity) was it... And me as "host to entertain them as guests" supposedly, yet surprisingly, they were the ones presenting a "bigger package"... My then 30-day endorsement period hasn't ended yet and we've already made to realize how its more-generous of our new employer to be compensating us with bigger pay yet lesser stress/pressure/working days... God is good! While your typical response to that could be "All the time!", do you really believe so? Then why are there so many who are afraid to take that leap? It's because of the same dismissive attitude I felt as abovementioned. We refuse to see how we are just going for what's expedient however renouncing our moral values. We have to clear our hearts and minds from pessimism which contradicts faith.

By taking that leap of faith, it's not about self-assurance out of what's convenient, practical or secured. It's not about having a ready answer. It's not even about calculated risk... It's about believing that everything will be alright despite of the uncertainty the future might bring...

I was made to realize how God sometimes put us in the dark to show that He is the Light. All of a sudden, I saw things differently sans the pride how I would have assumed that I know that already. It was a blessing in disguise. I saw "that boss" as an obstacle the Lord has prepared for me to overcome. From twist of fate to leap of faith... Similarly, it made me realize and consider the better opportunities, a more fitting lifestyle and a coherent manifestation of disposition I've been missing out on. I leapt for the realization that it was an initiation for a "jump-for-joy" eventually... Come to think of it, mine was just a simple problem which The Lord answered with overwhelming replacement for a blessing. How much more rewarding would it be if (say) you'd likewise greatly rely on your faith despite facing what seems to be an insurmountable barrier... Comparably, when I decided to take that leap, it was just like jumping off from a 2-storey high structure which could have resulted in a broken ankle (but that's just about it) compared to plummeting off a cliff with immeasurable depth or into an abyss... Thus, to believe there'll be some cushion to rather "make your fall into a landing" is appropriately establishing faith as that of "to believe is to see" instead of "to see is to believe"... You just have to trust God.