Other than it’s one of my favorite breed of dogs, I’m retrieving gold this year as I turn “golden” ~ Five Zero! FIFTY!! The closest we got to having a Golden Retriever was having a Golden Dox. It’s a crossbreed between a Golden Retriever and a dachshund. He looked more like his dox (dachshund) father though. We named him Sandy.
Sandy
I’m like Sandy. He had the color (only the color though, not even the furry semblance) of a Golden Retriever, whereas for everything else, “dox” just about it. Sandy however was one strong dog who can actually pull something heavier than his own weight. Similarly, I’ve pulled and carried weighty setbacks as well as seemingly burdensome blessings-in-disguise. Not as obvious but Sandy seemed to have that strength of a big dog. I’ve carried “big dawgs and bigwigs” up their podiums. While it might even be attributable for that of their springtime or their golden era, I wasn’t formally conferred that “fair (golden)” level of recognition enough to be a “big dawg” myself. Although, I’ve been recognizedly accredited with an imposing authority by the bosses themselves, much like not seeing Sandy as a Golden Retriever, I was only as good as a part of that success. Within a different circle (family circle, circle of friends, business circle, et al.), I’m just a fraction of a circumference-radius vertex of an angle connected to the hub, nevertheless, it forms a working wheel revolving in a circle of life. Pretty much a part of my wheel of fortune… “Dox” just another part actually…
“1 Part to Part 49”
What’s with dachshund anyway that seems to somehow become a part of us. And by “part of us”, I mean each of our hybrid dogs (Sandy and Bruce) was/is partly (half part) dachshund. Bruce is a doxle. And for their “part”, both have a telling “parting” story* which tore an invaluable part of us apart (*that’ll be another part for a story). Too many “parts” there… Somehow, it’s been a compelling part of my “journey to 50”. Much like things that could sum up that considerable part of me, just “half of it”. “It” could be half of things pertaining to my being. It could be that of success, role, purpose, as a better half, a father, even a son, a brother, et al. Apparently, I’m just half the man of the man I should have been…
“50%, 50 Per Cent”
In giving your all, that’s just half of what’s expected given how people presume that you have at least given it your 100%… and into the bargain is the bargaining of what you’ve got to offer. They shortchange you. They shortchange your all, much like my a-cent’s-worth-50-year-existence as “not worth my appraised value as per those who belittle my capacity”. Thus, that’s just 50% of a potentially acceptable “two cents’ worth” of any unsolicited advice from my end. Imagine my whole point of view for whatever I have to say if only I reach that “100%” as representation of what matters to them… Truth be told, people believe those with shimmer in their celebrated names… credentials over rationale I surmise… and having lived half of a century, it isn’t the same as being half way towards achieving your goals. In its most likeliness, I’m even less than half way to not being able to get there… and it’s ok. I’m probably “half man, half dachshund” which explains some of my life’s irony and redundancy:
- Long but short / small but substantial - This could probably be about how I’ve lived long enough but still short of what I could’ve achieved. It could also be about my physicality on being short but with a long shot or tall order for an ambition back in the day when I wanted to be a professional basketball player. Height was a major factor that I didn’t have. On the other hand, I may be small but I’ve got a big heart which is somehow ironic as it gets overshadowed by how the small in me is what’s rather slightly perceived than a supposedly more substantial component of my persona. But then again, that image as it may appear seems to be deemed as a fictitious character, unbelievable. “Dox” just half of it!
- Patiently eager / impatiently tolerant - I could probably say that I’m one of the most patient person I know. However, I could also have minimal tolerance for the consistent lack of common sense. My patience however seems to be a confined sick patient suppressing an inner angst waiting to snap at the monotony of insensitivity and the unthinking. Like in figuring out a dachshund, you’d lose patience but once you get to understand them, they’re actually very patient. Same thing with me…
- Intelligently stupid / simplemindedly sensible - Like a dachshund, it’s modernly regarded simply as a pet for its undersized and unusual built without recognizing its natural inclination as a smart hunting dog… Like any of those intelligent people who fall prey to the gullibility of consideration (as well as those who get taken advantage of), in addition, I also inconsistently apply wisdom in embodying laxity at the expense of a critical public perception yet under the “I don’t mind” forbearance and not the “I don’t care” argument.
- Vindictively forgiving / compassionately withdrawn - Simply put, or perhaps as human nature would most likely corroborate, forgiving isn’t the hard part but the forgetting. Regardless of relation or correspondence, restrained ill feeling towards someone is as embedded within the core of our subconscious. And the cut’s even deeper among those with closer ties… You’d likely reap distaste if you sow bitterness, the relationship wouldn’t relish the same zest. And I’m one who can stand the heat in that “SORE-ta” kitchen and whip up some “PRIDE chicken” still…
- Cordially spiteful / disagreeably neighborly - It’s some kind of a marketing skill arguably (pun intended). It’s like differentiating hypocrisy from civility. It’s also being “professionally adapting” or “restrictively practical” from a business perspective as opposed to personal disposition. A ceasefire of disagreeable countering and refutations may be repressing but is likewise emotionally liberating. Patience is a virtue yet the concurrent frustration is something I bear too. These are just a few of the “half man/half dox” reference that makes up my personality (and “dogality?” mix I guess). I’ve come to terms with my standing in life like that of accepting and embracing my given purpose.
Turning 50
For all its considerable allusions, why can’t my personage be like that of half-man and half-German Shepherd or half-Great Dane or half-Labrador… Because it’s for the likes of St. Bernards to appreciate their sizable feature as compared to dachshunds. On the other hand (or paw), it’s for the likes of chihuahuas to realize how they’d comfortably fit in a cramped up space for all its cutting-corner and belt-tightening’s worth, figuratively speaking. Even “fur” its apparent comparable aspects, the likes of Siberian Huskies and Alaskan Malamutes understand they’re built differently; Huskies pull the load whereas Malamutes carry it.
I carry a heavy load for others not to be burdened… for them to appreciate how things are light and easy for them…
We are all created with a purpose. One of the most worthwhile discernment we could carry out is to accept that role and merit. The big bonus would be for others to likewise recognize your value as to it’s correlation to that of their worth. Thus, I’ll be marking up my price er “prized tag” to 50 in a few…
“50 Shades of Gray Area”
Now, here’s the part that we throw some shade (as if this whole blog post isn't one big shade). Am I really worth like I’m an SM 3-Day Sale bargain offering at 50% off; and discounted further with a SMAC? Or is that rather a smack on my face? Well, this is actually a gray area shade wherein, ironically, I’m probably on either side of the shaded spectrum. Like a fine wine that “ferments a sparkling change” with age so to speak, I’m like that because NOT every one likes wine. Over and above that, human comparison to things without the capacity to think isn’t my cup of tea. Ok so yes, I drink both wine and tea but I’m not them. People are basically suckers for and bespeak their logic on insightful-sounding on-point-analogy without looking at the paradox behind it. Challenging (not refuting) their frame of reference is another thing. There’s a difference which could uphold my dissimilar approach but not necessarily disregard their ways. I’m just unorthodox that way. If you think it’s some means to, as if, confirm boldness, NO. It’s not being intrepid (I’m not that audacious as a matter of fact), it’s just that I assess what works best. Largely, my out-of-the-box propositions were conceptualized with calculated risks as well. Yet the best validation is proving them that it brings about better results (or read: I’m ‘top dawg!’) But then again, I’m not one who trumpets my accomplishments and credentials. That said and to better point that out, on the assemblage of a program’s panel of guests for instance, to introduce them well, do research but don’t ask us to pull our own strings. Please. It feels awkward flattering yourself. Even if people don’t get to apprehend the first-rate essence I possess, I always thought that the more gratifying vindication is the concept of a low-key player’s star being brought to light; a modest redemption worthy of evoking confounded impressions… While that may be in the bag, there’s more in it, probably a little over half more; as much as there are also valuation-depreciating factors and flaws, warts and all… Therefore, am I worth 50? I am 50! And as I turn golden, in retrieving gold, I’m validating that the cross between the “man that I am” and the “dox within” is called “maddox”. I’m the Golden Retriever named Maddox. Raise the woof!
~ to be continued
“I’ll be Bark!”
“Ruff ruff it up! Woof woof my a$$! Arf arf-ter you… Bark at you! Bow wow!”